The past couple of days, I have been dealing with some issues – well, one issue – that I need(ed) God to help with. So, I have prayed about it and waited and hoped. Some days, my faith was great and I “knew” that God would show me the way, and that He would do what was best for me, (hopefully, answering my prayer in the affirmative). On some days, my faith deserted me and I was in despair. I did not even have the energy to pray. It was overwhelming to live through the next minute, and I found myself needing to create “plan B”, in case things didn’t work out the way I wanted them to, and I needed to create conditions so that God would not start from scratch in helping me with the next thing.
God was not in my every thought and deed. It was only when I stopped to reflect on what I had done that I realized that I was doubting God, and I was creating a backup plan, and that even for the backup plan to work, I needed God’s intervention. I confessed my sins, prayed for forgiveness, and the grace to believe and have faith. I am still going through that process. It will be another couple of days and weeks before I know for sure that everything is okay. It will be a trying time and my reliance on God will be tested. So, may be instead of just praying for what I want or need, I should also pray for the grace to believe, to not doubt, to fully surrender to His will.
A couple of days ago I was reading about the Israelites… during Exodus, when they were waiting on Moses to come back from the mountain, they lost patience or hope and created gods. The article dealt with this in a different context from what I am going to bring here. I was wondering if my “plan B” is similar to creating a (false) god – something you can worship and rely on and look up to when the true God appears to be taking his time in executing your “plan A” and despair creeps in.
It has not been easy waiting on God, but I intend to keep waiting and praying and believing that it is going to work out for the best, whatever the “initial” outcome is.