I have talked about my childhood(?) dream of wanting to be the World Champion of Chess. Over the years I have pretty much convinced myself that it wont come to reality. Today I was wondering why I wanted to be the World Champion of Chess… I guess I will address that some other time. While thinking about that, I remembered that in addition to wanting to be the World Champion of Chess, I also wanted to Jesus, the Son of God! Believe it or not… it is true. When I was really small, I thought it was just cool. However, when I was a little older, I had concrete reasons… all wrong. Here are the top 10 that I can remember:
1. King of Kings. I wanted to be above all these kings and princes and queens and princesses. Probably just “to be the man.”
2. To be cuter (or more handsome than all men). I think Jesus is very cute. Seriously! I thought that if I were him, then… I would have all the benefits or troubles that come with being very good looking!
3. Women. I would be able to change their hearts to love me or I could just get any of those really cute girls that come to church to worship Jesus/me. I think I missed the relationship between being spiritually loved (worshiped) and the other love… I would have been more like King Solomon than Jesus.
4. The fans/followers. I would have so many people loving and knowing me. (Related to this, there was a time I hated being introduced to people… how come they don’t know me? If I was Jesus, no introduction… or after introduction, the person would go like, I have heard a lot about you…)
5. Only Son of the Father. How cool is that? The idea of sitting at the right hand of the Father… and being one with Him was just… I felt I could not achieve that by being a follower, so I wanted to be Him. I can see how Lucifer went wrong.
6. Life after death. No more worries. I would know where I would be going… no second guessing myself. (I wouldn’t have to work for it? See point 11 – bonus- below)
7. Ability to have whatever I wanted… believe me, my wants at the time could only be satisfied if I were Jesus. I think.
8. The money. All the offerings, tithes, etc would come to me. If that was not enough, I would make my own money to spend however I wanted.
9. Being a Jew. I wished I was Jewish at times. At other times, I was like, I would have been the first non-Jewish Jesus. It doesn’t make sense. But it is true. I am not sure why it was so important… May be because of racism.
10. The Wisdom… The beatitudes, the parables, etc would be attributed to me! (Of course the Miracles were also enticing. I am not sure if they were in my top 10.)
11./bonus: – this is not a reason for wanting to be Jesus. It is just a conclusion or insight that I had: For me to be Jesus, I would have to not want or desire all those things. That is the definition of Jesus-like for me.
I also realized that if I had been given time to write One Million reasons for wanting to be Jesus at the time, THE PASSION would not have made the list! What a difference between the true Jesus and the “jesus” I would have been.