He who seeketh, findeth

August 12, 2007

Keep living even when life is not fun

Filed under: Reason for Breathing — Steve (Chessiq) @ 12:11 am

There were times when I wanted to QUIT:

  • playing Chess
  • going to school
  • working
  • the relationship with my girlfriend
  • being friends with a couple of people
  • living
  • many other things

At times I quit (- all but living, of course!)

Continuing to live is the best choice anyone can make. For me, it meant having the chance to see how other people survived hardships. Tougher hardships. And learn from them. By choosing to live, I gave myself an opportunity to reevaluate whatever was giving me problems with a fresh mind on a new day. Sometimes that is all that was required. There were times when all I needed was a break from the thing, not really quit forever. Sometimes I just had to change my perspective on things. Some sort of paradigm shift. Whatever it was, I am glad that I chose to live through it all and try again. Take a day at a time. I am not sure if this is totally creditable to Chess. I guess not, because there were other things that made me reconsider quitting. My belief in the goodness of God, for example.

Playing Chess sometimes can be frustrating and teaches you the power of not quitting. You may have a favorite opening or line of play – until you meet somebody who has either studied the line better than you, or is just in a better form than you during that decade(!) -) You wonder how you can start all over again. Researching another opening, getting comfortable playing it, and be a success with it. I am sure there are people out there who have given themselves a second or third or fourth or… chance to live and play another game, a different opening, a different career… and they were happy they did. I would like to hear your stories.

Now I am wondering if I have shared my stories yet, or I am just asking people for their stories. Let’ see. Here are a few:

1) When I did my MBA, I couldn’t find a job for a year. I had just quit a job before graduating because I didn’t like the job I had. I also “knew” that I would get a job, just like that! Did I? No, not really. Days turned into weeks, weeks into months,… I maxed out my credit cards. I offered to use my credit cards to make purchases in exchange for cash so that I could pay my rent… etc. There were days when I just wanted out, but I had read “The Power of Positive Thinking” by Norman Vincent Peale and “How to Conquer Worry and Start Living” by Dale Carnegie, and a few other books a long time before all this happened. So I knew that things would be okay, some day. I also prayed a lot. I missed the times when I played Chess and knew I would win $7 (may be a little more) to buy a few needs. But things worked out. My roommates chipped in. I went to truck-driving school – it didn’t work out after a couple of months on being on the road. I worked as a courier for a couple of months – driving my car. It was long days and dangerous. That was a start. I worked in a warehouse part-time. It then occured to me to go to school to do something that I thought was sure to get me a job. I went back and did accounting. Fast-forward a few years… now I work as an Accountant and I will take the CPA exams within a year. (After I figure out my writing schedule and I am happy with my techie stuff to manage my website! I believe I am not wasting time… I am passionate about what I am doing now. Writing about life and Chess and God and…)

2. I have loved and been broken-hearted and I have been ridiculed and all for going for people I shouldn’t!? Really? When I love, I love all the way – and that is risky! But I have survived it all. There were times when I couldn’t breathe because of the “pain”! -) But here I am. All those years, I believed that I had somebody meant for me… and that things would work out. That I was good enough. It appears that the people I went out with got better for me with time. IMO. -) Now I have really cute and sweet girl -)

3. I guess I have written enough. I may add to it later. Your turn!

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